@iGreenMonk: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count.

@SirEviscerate: *shoots self in the foot and screams in agony for 20 seconds* *hits 'stop recording' on outgoing voicemail message*

@OBiiieeee: Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?

@SarcasticAlly12: People say "life's a journey, not a destination," because the destination is death. The journey sucks too. Anyway, to the bride and groom!

@Mardigroan: *writes in climate's year book "Best of luck. Don't ever change!"*