@4boding: My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she’s learned enough in school. She’s 5.
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@freypalm: *montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's… right here?
@AskBellaWagner: When someone says "It is what it is," I reply, "Isn't it?" so we can both sound useless.