@moose_chocolate: My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube.
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@kamtweeting: There are hospitals for the criminally insane. And then there are parliaments for the insanely criminal.
@Sickayduh: "Your name is Duck?" It's Doug. "Yeah. Duck" Doug. "Duck?" DouGGG "Got it. Duck" Go fuGG yourself "Haha. Classic Duck"
@causticbob: BBC:when a women is attracted to a man, she speaks in a higher pitch than normal That explains why every woman I talk to sounds like Batman
@DaHess1: I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the shit out of each other because it's negative.