@moose_chocolate: My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: I hate when people say "you always want what you don't have" like that's really insightful and not just explaining the definition of "want."
@Spaziotwat: [*Wakes up on sofa] "Did I...DID I HAVE A FIGHT WITH BATMAN?" Wife [from bedroom]: "YOU. PUNCHED. A. NUN."