@ieatanddrink: My daughter called me "lame." Let's see how "lame" she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT
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@GetCougarized: I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I've been using them for all this time.
@robfee: There’s no way the Ninja Turtles would have those ripped abs. You can’t do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me I’ve tried.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I have zero interest in owning a parrot. CLERK: This parrot is 80% off. ME: I will take 4 parrots.