@ieatanddrink: My daughter called me "lame." Let's see how "lame" she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT
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@nimble__nick: *At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate.
@EJGomez: sucks to be a bad guy in the teenage mutant ninja turtle world like "who stopped u" "turtles" "huh" "no they were like faster than normal"
@jngraphs: *Writes a song for you* *Sings it under your bedroom window* *You call the cops* *Your husband falls in love with me*
@noog: "911 what's ur emergency" This guy's not breathing "Did u send him ur vibes?" Yes I been sending em "I'm sending some too" Okay he good now