@ValeeGrrl: My daughter called Neapolitan ice cream "three-way" ice cream & I'm not sure I'll correct her cuz I'm a horrible person & it makes me laugh.
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@liv_thatsme: "A rug, but PERMANENT! It'll capture all your beloved dirt & filth for years to come! Each stain tells a special tale!" -inventor of carpet
@squirrel74wkgn: My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.
@lecalabara: "The entire sky is mine to explore!Nah, Ill just swoop dangerously through traffic instead."- Birds
@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.