@imence2: My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now.
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@catstronomical: Cat: [I am the cousin of tigers, leopards, lions, panthers, and pumas] Me: *putting tiara on cat's head* you're a pretty pretty princess!
@Buttija: Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it just becomes a soap opera.
@jordan_stratton: [job interview] Look. First, you give me a job. Then I get paid. THEN I'll be able to buy pants. I can't just skip ahead to the last step.