@girl_a_whirl: My daughter complained we were out of snacks so I lifted the couch cushions.
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@Thynebear: [first date at a chinese restaurant] "So are you more of a dog or a cat person?" *reading menu* I was thinking orange chicken but you do you
@ehdannyboy: "Dad why was I called Holly?" cos u were born at a special time of year "And me dad?" yes Summer and u too "And me too dad?" yes Easter-Egg
@OuterJohn: When people do a bunny impression they go straight for the cute little front paws. Not me. I fearfully sprint into traffic.
@Sassafrantz: *rises out of neighbor's hot tub* I'd like to talk to you guys about home alarm systems...