@girl_a_whirl: My daughter complained we were out of snacks so I lifted the couch cushions.
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@andreahardy33: Just realized the girl I flipped off in the parking lot is in my next class.. This could be awkward.
@volks__: Doctor: Any cancer in the family? Me: My mom is a Sagittarius, but I'll have to check on everyone else. Doc: ...
@daemonic3: JESUS: I shall turn water to wine JUDAS: Actually wine is 85% water so that's only 15% miracle JESUS: This is literally the WORST betrayal