@girl_a_whirl: My daughter complained we were out of snacks so I lifted the couch cushions.
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@SaltyCorpse: You're not a real parent until you've secretly wished your child's sports team does bad in a tournament so you can go home early.
@djdarrellripley: Her: Let's read your horoscope... Do you believe in astrology? Me: No. That's such a scam. Well, at least that's what my psychic says.
@d_duhwit: Me: Cool car. I like the heated seats but they almost make it feel like I peed my pants. Lol Her: It doesn't have heated seats. Me: I have peed my pants.
@OnlyFastEddie: Halloween and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing... people dress up and pretend to be someone they're not for some sugar