@hazelmotes1: My daughter doesn't know I put the last pudding cup in her lunch earlier this evening, so she won't know I took it out and am eating it now.
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@djdarrellripley: Ooo! The morning weather girl... Come on baby, give daddy the five day forecast.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [gathers around casket and see's it's full of gatorade] uh oh, then that means [grandma's body is being dumped over the winning coach]
@JonBaker: [future] Kid: Grammar and spelling are stupid, dad! Why do I have to learn them anyway? Me: Internet arguments, mostly
@TylerLinkin: A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.