@Peauxtassium: My daughter forgot to bring her lunch to school today. It was delicious.
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@caperbc75: My dream girl? Dirty blond hair, strong arms, cold eyes, immaculately shaped facial hair, no remorse -Are you describing Chuck Norris? Yes
@sixthformpoet: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.
@BoogTweets: 911: Sir, I understand you think it did it against your will and was aggressive but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet. Me: I WASNT READY
@BreadFoster: I can't wait until Taylor Swift breaks up with a black guy so she can put out a rap album.