@Peauxtassium: My daughter forgot to bring her lunch to school today. It was delicious.
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@KeetPotato: guy: [stands up at front of plane] me: "please don't be overbooked" guy: [pulls gun] "this plane is now under my control" me: "oh thank god"
@Midlifecrisis18: Sex in your 40's: (Position change) * CRRRACK * Her: Was that me or you? Me: Just go with it, we'll assess injuries later.
@markleggett: Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You're the Microsoft Word Paperclip.
@simoncholland: Can't believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack