@SSgtTommyD: My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun.
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@SamuelHLowe: - What's your cell phone? - iPhone. - No, I meant the number. - It's a 6. - No, to contact you. - I don't use it for that.
@imabbylouise: I have nothing in common with people that say, "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."
@LizHackett: ME: Why can’t I sleep? CUP OF COFFEE FROM 4 PM: I’ve put together a list of everyone who might be mad at you.