@seamussaid: my daughter hones her survival instincts by forgoing the provided bowl and spreading goldfish crackers all over the house to forage & store
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@PhriendlyCody: [stabucks] barista: can i get a name? me: sure. you look like a Tiffany barista: no i mean a name for the order me: oh! we'll call this "coffee from Tiffany"
@illuminatedwndr: I always like to keep $7000.00 on me in case I wanna stop at Whole Foods and get some fruit
@DrawingShadows: I am going to make millions when I finally finish developing this iPhone app that tells you when the traffic light turns green.
@AnOrangeSNES: "I just called to say I love you." -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work