@richardosman: My daughter is in China and sends me photos of mis-translations. This is my new favourite.
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@sixfootcandy: Friend: How about a play date today? Me: I’m sorry. My son has practice. Friend: What kind of practice? Me: Practicing how to cancel plans.
@existentialcoms: "Living well is the best revenge." – someone who has never thrown a jar of spiders onto their enemy's face.
@AnkCoupleTO: I'm lost & peeing on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, just wish this bear who's about to kill me gave me a little more privacy
@howe007: If Russia prepares for war the way it prepares for the Olympics then we have nothing to worry about.