@Boleyngirly: My daughter just announced she's SICK of stupid-ass people. I said "Oh darlin, you're gonna feel ill for a long time.. they're everywhere."
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@GrantTanaka: *sees burglar *throws flashlight at him *misses *throws another *misses *throws another *misses *throws another Burglar: WTF Me: COSTCO
@KyleMcDowell86: ME: Cant sleep. Theres too much going on in the world MY WIFE: Whats bothering u? ME: If Garfield didnt have a job, why did he hate Mondays?