@KelliAgodon: My daughter just found this vintage ad for birth control.
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@WheelTod: When I get depressed about an underperforming tweet, I think about starving kids in Africa & how lucky they are to never experience my pain.
@TheAlexNevil: I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
@noog: If your kid's shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity.