@Thee1_4U: My daughter just said that I'm the best dad she's ever had. So I got that going for me.
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@harikondabolu: Indian Brothers & Sisters: You know all those awful things Columbus did to the Native Americans? Just remember...HE WAS LOOKING FOR US
@PaulyPeligroso: A man caught me applying chap stick, so I just started eating it so it wouldn't be weird.
@KevinFarzad: "I have $50, less than an hour, and a ton of cocaine. Let's make a commercial!" - every furniture store owner