@Thee1_4U: My daughter just said that I'm the best dad she's ever had. So I got that going for me.
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@joe_binkley: "I heard that taking your shirt off can make you appear more aggressive and self-confident." "Ok, but we already said you got the job."
@CornerPubRon: When my new neighbor dies, I'm going to hire the same tree removal service he has outside my window right now to work during his burial.
@oscarewilde: doctor: do you have any questions? me: would a lucky talisman made of eggs be called an omulette? doctor: i meant about your antidepressants