@Just__J0: My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I'm thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY.
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@lilgapeach30: Men. Can't live with 'em...can't finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.
@NicestHippo: "Instagram announced they will allow users to see who viewed their profile..." *wakes up in cold sweat*
@sleepwalkingdog: Lois: "I saw Batman yesterday. He's put on a lot of weight" Clark: *lowers glasses* "More like Fat- Lois: "Oh my god it's Superman"