@Just__J0: My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I'm thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY.
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@ilovepie84: I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match
@DaddyJew: Plumber: why are there nachos in your shower drain? Me: why wouldn't there be nachos in my shower drain?
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Better late than never! Wife: ... M: Seeing red? W: ... M: Go with the flow! W: ... M: I'll go buy tampons. W: NOW, MISTER FUNNY MAN.