@Mr_Kapowski: My daughter lost her 1st tooth today so I'm staying up all night to see The Rock in a tutu.
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@TheDailySchmuck: People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days.
@Not_From_Troy: My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth.
@rohmontgomery: I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this
@Rhythms_n_Booze: HR: You know why we called you down? Me:Hm. Promotion? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right? Me: I'd like to reporting a hacking.