@Mr_Kapowski: My daughter lost her 1st tooth today so I'm staying up all night to see The Rock in a tutu.
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@ojedge: "Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me." *shakes tambourine* "Got any others?" *shakes tambourine* "Sounds a lot like the last one"
@david8hughes: [watches you eat my bday cake] "I've poisoned that." "Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?" [leans in & winks] "Poison."
@bopinklady: Husband is leaning dangerously out of window whilst he cleans it. Only thing stopping me from shoving him out is that he cleans the windows
@ddsmidt: People with house arrest ankle bracelets get so touchy when you compare them to a dog's invisible fence.