@Lilbyrdy: My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.
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@chrisdowning: Fact of the Day: Lyrics can be used in a court of law as evidence. That's how Billy Joel was acquitted of arson charges.
@curlycomedy: White people don't dance at concerts so they can save all their energy for the "Woo!" at the end of a song.
@longwall26: *Paul Ryan watches a children's hospital explode* Hhhhmmm, an affordable source of heat and light
@Just__J0: My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I'm thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY.