@Lilbyrdy: My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.
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@SoWeirditsCool: Stalker status update: Good news-I'm not in your house. The bad news-I am UNDER your house and the tunnel is complete.
@CulturedRuffian: Dear Lord, Thank you for these noodles I'm about to eat and the good deal I got buying them in bulk at Costco. RA-MEN!
@joeljeffrey: When I kiss a girl, sometimes I dont know what to do with my hands, so I slow clap behind her head to make sure she knows I'm enjoying it.