@jus4golf: My daughter wants a smart car for her 16th birthday. She thinks it will do her geometry homework.
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@daemonic3: [working in garage] "Hand me a screwdriver, son" A flat one? "No" [mixes vodka and Orange Crush] Here ya go
@LoveYoorFate: When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I've been told. Twice now.
@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.