@simoncholland: My daughter wants to be something scary for Halloween this year so she's going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
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@LindaInDisguise: Me: It's been 3 years, but I'm finally making progress on my book. Friend: You're writing a book? Me: No. I meant the book I'm reading.
@cambuslad: Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove.
@SamePageDifDay: Soo... I guess when he asked for my number he didn't mean how many lovers I've had?
@CleverGirl85: Trolling my FB friends by commenting "Looking good ;)" on solo pics of their husbands