@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.
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@KeetPotato: [at interview] "ok 1st question you're on a submarine you find a dog, what do you call him" umm "..." subwoofer? "welcome to the navy seals"
@GrowlyGrego: Kiss me you fool. Embrace me you dolt. Cuddle me you simpleton. Marry me you megalomaniac. HAVE MY BABY YOU GARBAGE PERSON.
@MarfSalvador: Cop: He's getting away! Quickly, cut him off! Criminal: Get outta my— Rookie: STOP TALKING
@KentWGraham: When I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage, I didn’t realize how often I’d just get the finger.