@Jandalize: My daughter's boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I'll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20
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@XplodingUnicorn: I gave my baby a teething toy so she would stop chewing on my fingers. She wasn't interested because it didn't scream out in pain.
@maughammom: Me: "You kids aren't getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!" Grandma: "Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing."
@marinarachael: I don't know why we have three different pig emojis but it's great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching: 🐖 🐷 🐽
@ImHopel3ss: Somewhere, someplace, there's a hole in the world & inside it there's a bunch of gremlins hoarding the 50,000 lighters I can't find.