@Jandalize: My daughter's boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I'll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20
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@foodfacenow: Friend: Take my advice, girls love guys with pets *later* Me:*holding a snake to date's face* his name -stop screaming- his name is Carl.
@PJTLynch: "Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?" Wife: "Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?" "...Yes" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*