@Jandalize: My daughter's boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I'll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20
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@slimmy_shady: SIRI, CALL FOR HELP! Searching for kelp. OMGYOU IDIOT! SIRI, GET AN AMBULANCE! There are 23 listings for lap dance in your area.
@DanMentos: *rings bell* "Can I help you?" Yes I'd like a dragon on my back an- *starts pooping on a crucifix* WTF? *checks sign on door* "Taboo Artist"
@xLiserx: *Opens a window and the wind blows 84 hamburger wrappers from my desk.* "Oh no! My research!!"