@SuburbanSleuth: My daughter's favorite past-time is implementing psychological warfare on my son. I let it slide because one day he'll have a wife.
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@KeetPotato: [lookin in bushes for our baby] me: where the hell can he be? dog: roof roof roof me: will you shut up [baby waves at the dog from the roof]
@NYC_Blonde: Let's all take a moment to honor National Punctuation Day because life would be: very, confusing! Without it?
@thrillhicks: If we’re out of croutons, I’ll just turn the toaster upside down and shake it over my salad.