@SuburbanSleuth: My daughter's favorite past-time is implementing psychological warfare on my son. I let it slide because one day he'll have a wife.
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@jake_lach: The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it's okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
@VodkaThursday: My bunny thumps at trash collectors. Nice to know that if the Sanitation Dept. ever has ill intentions, she won't stand for any of that shit
@samfromks: My wife has been helping my neighbor hook up his VCR for 3 hours now. Starting to get suspicious... What kind of monster still has a VCR?
@juliussharpe: I hate these services like Tinder and Grindr. I remember back when if you wanted to have sex, someone else had to make a huge mistake.