@brandynwiththey: My day has been so awful I keep looking around to see if Nicolas Cage is in it.
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@causticbob: Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
@Moi_RaRa: How much to learn the thriller dance moves? "Ma'am... this is senior citizens Zumba class!"
@Reverend_Scott: DAD: My daughter ran away [hands him old photo] DETECTIVE: You have a recent photo? DAD: [shows him 9,674 selfies with the dog filter]