@jake_lach: My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement
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@DaddyJew: Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up
@Black__Elvis: My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.
@noog: [sees girl reading To Kill A Mockingbird] “Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] kills all those frickin birds.”