@Moemontes: My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet.
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@theshamingofjay: A disease that kills you and can only be spread through the transmission of bodily fluids. Are we sure we're not talking about marriage?
@edfoxcomedy: "Doctor: Put the IV in. Nurse: The 4 what?" - chronic problem in Roman emergency rooms
@ryaninco: The neighbors yard smells like weed. I'm glad those seeds I threw over the fence are starting to grow.