@CaptainJerkwad: My dentist not only specializes in treating cavities, but he also sells gasoline for your car. Basically he runs two filling stations.
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@MomofTeen: Customer Service: How does the name appear on your credit card? Me: If i had to guess, I'd say it's 11 pt. Arial bold.
@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus