@CaptainJerkwad: My dentist not only specializes in treating cavities, but he also sells gasoline for your car. Basically he runs two filling stations.
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@SortaBad: saleslady: can I help you "yes, how many leg holes do these pants have?" saleslady: ummm just the usual two "nice, nice"
@drunktweets81: I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
@hazelmotes1: Inspirational Tweet: The journey of 1,000 miles begins with "daaaaad I have to peeeeee"