@BertCarrillo: My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
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@sixfootcandy: Him: Let's get you out of that dress. Me: Be careful Him: Why? Me: If you tug at my Spanx hard enough, I'll pop open like a can of biscuits.
@girl_a_whirl: I'm quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would've gone in an entirely different direction.
@4handfuls: Spending the weekend installing toothpaste-colored carpet since my 3 yr old insists on brushing his teeth while walking around the house...