@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
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@Donna_McCoy: There's nothing more difficult than trying to convince a narcissist that you don't like them.
@lasergirl70: Me to waiter: "I'm eating for 2." Waiter: "Oh, you're pregnant?" Me: "No, my sister was supposed to meet me here, but she can't make it."
@stephenjmolloy: Magician: "Think of a card." Me: "Okay." Magician: "You are thinking of the.. 3 OF SPADES!" Me: "I was thinking about a get well soon card."
@DanMentos: "Bob's coming over" Bob from work or Bob who thinks he's a cop? *knock on door* OPEN UP, POLICE *flushing drugs down toilet* "Bob from work"