@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
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@david8hughes: Reporter: are you nervous about the fight? Me nervously: no Reporter: he said he's going to 'rip your heart out' Me crying: but I need it
@kimtopher22: I hope my friends don't notice that I'm taking the guest bath shower head home with me.
@MasterOfFury: Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing.
@Book_Krazy: Me: What were you and daddy just laughing about? 9: You Me: What about me? 9: You won't think its as funny as we do