@ibid78: My desires are unconfessional. No wait. Unconditional? Pumpkin sensual? I just had it. Undone sectionals? Unmoustachable? Stunned pistachio?
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@ArfMeasures: ME: One time I was attacked by a shark REPORTER: Wow! [turns on recorder] tell us what it was like ME [leans in to mic] A massive fish
@RobDenBleyker: Video games don't cause violence, they PREVENT it. Whenever I see a turtle now, I chuck it off the nearest cliff where it can't hurt anyone.
@PopSlapFunk: Arrhythmia, blocked arteries, leaky valves, "Hey, I found you on Twitter" and other things that will suddenly stop your heart.