@OhNoSheTwitnt: My desires are... unconventional. (Hands you a phone and makes you call my boss and quit my job for me)
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@WheelTod: *Prosecution points to badger*: Objection! This animal has no place in court! Defense: Your honor, the badger is prosecuting the witness
@SortaBad: If you don't want to be there today, just say "I'm just here for the food and hopefully some good commercials. Also congrats on the wedding"
@KaysNH: I thought I'd lose tons more weight if I drank extra glasses of water every day, but I guess I was just diluting myself.