@mikeym00n: my doctor asked if it burns when I pee. I said only when it gets in my eyes.
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@GrantTanaka: me: [wheezing, checks fitbit] fitbit: you're lying on the floor eating a burrito, wtf do u want from me
@TheHyyyype: NEW TEACHER: i'm mr. jones. before we get started, i want to make a few things clear, "baes" and "fams." i'm not your "squad" and this isn't "goals." this is english class, where we speak correctly. "sorry not sorry." STUDENT: mr jones TEACHER: yes? STUDENT: that was lit
@Kayditty: Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.