@mikeym00n: my doctor asked if it burns when I pee. I said only when it gets in my eyes.
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@BBQJones28: I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.
@GaryJanetti: College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school.
@LindaInDisguise: I just referred to tongs as 'food tweezers' in case you want to be in awe of my command of the English language.