@JermHimselfish: My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood
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@duchesskk: "Let's play 21 questions" Nigerian Girl: how tall are you? Nigerian Guy: Rice. What's the worst thing you've done with a guy?
@jordan_stratton: Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge.
@Kyle_Lippert: Steve Buscemi is the only reported case of the saying "If you keep making that face, it's going to get stuck that way" being true.