@JermHimselfish: My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood
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@mstern68: Please don't be curly Please don't be curly Please don't be curly I pray to myself as I pull a hair from my mouth while eating Chinese food
@ChipKellysBalls: If you look in the mirror & say "pumpkin spice latte" 3x a white suburban girl will appear & tell you everything she loves about the fall
@JohnLyonTweets: I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there's plenty of blame to go around.