@DurtMcHurtt: My doctor just used a tongue depressor on me so I'm going out for ice cream to cheer the little guy up.
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@gianni_bcn: What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have adquired over a.... *Accidentally drops cell phone on the toilet*
@reczit: Dear messed-up memory, please tell me where are my keys instead of reminding me that shit I did on May 08, 2002 at 09;13;54 PM.
@VikeeysSecret: Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
@sickipediabot: Adele has announced that she will be singing the theme for the next James Bond film. Diet Another Day will be released in 2014.