@DurtMcHurtt: My doctor just used a tongue depressor on me so I'm going out for ice cream to cheer the little guy up.
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@jwoodham: A horse-drawn carriage sounds really romantic until you realize horses can't even hold a pen and the carriage just looks like a scribble.
@TheBlessMess: The best part of being an adult is eating whatever you want. I just ate a small man that pissed me off at the liquor store.
@Ideal_Victoria: *crawls up from backseat* *slowly pulls off paper bag from head* What? No... I’m not embarrassed by your driving
@Chelsea_Elle: Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him.