@envydatropic: My doctor prescribed a med that has "weight loss" as a side effect......I've never wanted to overdose so much in my life!
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@myonlymizztake: I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship.
@hello_saylor: My daily affirmation before work goes something like this: "I enjoy receiving a paycheck."
@babyitsmb: I feel like Trump and Hillary are two divorced parents fighting over custody of us but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.
@0hJuliette: Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain ;)