@ch000ch: my doctor refuses to fight me and i think it's cause he saw how i barely cried during my flu shot
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Pediatrician: How much water does she drink? Me: You mean like water water or bath water?
@Kennedydp5: I couldn't remember my speech at a funeral today so I improvised with a magic trick and sawed the coffin in half
@stockejock: Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
@imVig: Thief: Did u see me rob this bank?nTeller: well, yes!nn*Teller shot in the head*nThief: DID U SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?nMe: No. But my wife did!