@ch000ch: my doctor refuses to fight me and i think it's cause he saw how i barely cried during my flu shot
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@djr_102: Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to "It's complicated" by posting "thanks for last night" underneath it.
@OmarImranTweets: "Y dnt u Muslims tell ISIS to stop" Ok hold up *pulls out iphone* "Yo ISIS habibi,its me plz stop" ISIS:"ok habibi sorry,shisha tonight?"
@Matt_The_1st: Sorry I didn't reply to your text, I just couldn't find a response that would keep you from sending another