@Lexi__Alexandra: My doctor said i shouldn't just binge drink all weekend. I tried taking his advice but can't drink a bottle of Jack Daniels every day.
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@maurajbg: ME: Say "Anagrams are stupid" one more time & I will rearrange your face. YOU: Anagrams are stupid. ME: You farce.
@Mr_Kapowski: Guarantees in life 1. Death 2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill
@LionJenkins: I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%.
@JohnFugelsang: Somewhere in Heaven... Abraham Lincoln: The ppl who claim to be my followers just totally misquoted me. Jesus: You don't say.