@DevilryFun: My doctor said to have a reasonable meal for dinner, so I talked some sense into my pizza.
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@asimplesean: The first rule of Illiteracy Club is no reading. That was a test, and you failed. You're failing now. You're not welcome in Illiteracy Club.
@dmc1138: Someone should open a bar called "The Gym", so when I tell people where I'm going, it won't be a lie.
@notacroc: [universe where we use wormholes to deliver food] *a potato flies thru the wormhole and hits my son Blent in the face* Me: stay sharp Blent
@rachelle_mandik: ME: Got here as fast as I could! I have the anecdote! HIM [dying of snakebite]: Please say you mean antidote ME: Funny story! This one time—