@TankCesar: My doctor tells me I'm healthy enough for sexual activity...I'm just not attractive enough.
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@ShaeAaron: I just sent a text that says "we really need to talk" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today.
@SortaBad: Sorry I can't come to your thing tonight, I'm too busy figuring out an excuse about why I can't come to your thing next week
@noneofyours99: That awkward moment when you accidently knock a 90 year old over trying to get to the buffet first.
@Naked_Superman: Mom: Sorry, I won't be able to come in today. My son's got stuck in the washing machine. Boss: Aw okay. Poor thing, how old is he? Mom: 27