@TankCesar: My doctor tells me I'm healthy enough for sexual activity...I'm just not attractive enough.
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@juliussharpe: Google Glass, for everyone who's ever thought, "I like that browser so much, I want it on MY FACE"
@SteveSuckington: [high school reunion] "Hey aren't u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?" No that was Tyler.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm going to throw an awesome surprise party for my daughter when she gets home and realizes I know that she snuck out! SURPRISE!