@JaySuch: My doctor told me if I was 5" taller I'd be at the ideal weight, so I'm going to try and give that a shot.
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@juliussharpe: People used to go all around the world for spices. That must have been underwhelming. "Guys, I've been gone three years and this is cumin."
@weismanjake: Hangman is a weird game to let kids play. Hey kid, if you don't think of this word, a random man will be put to death.
@LisaACOTA: Dollar Tree clerk asked me to fill out a survey to maybe win a $500 gift card and I was like I don't need to own a whole dollar store thanks
@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: know what you're getting yet? Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus. Her: oh, you have a kid at home? Me: no.