@dumbbeezie: My doctor told me that despite my efforts, I'll probably live a long life. I'm taking the news pretty hard
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@bridger_w: Yelp review: Excellent food, friendly service. That said, I did notice a smudge on a window and was forced to set the building on fire
@SarcasticAlly12: God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
@Rollinintheseat: [High school reunion] Person: "Are you wearing the same clothes you wore on our last day of school?" Me: "You told me to never change."