@armyantstudios: My doctor told me to get a lot of rest and fluids so I've been on a drunk rage in my bedroom since 1988.
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@MauriceBlitz: I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could've napped and didn't.
@brendanmcginley: The Riddler always struck me as the Batman villain most likely to have been a pickup artist.
@tastefactory: I log in and out of Facebook at the same speed a frightened kid runs down into the basement to grab something and runs back up.
@marcusparkersol: If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.