@SocialustGal13: My doctor told me to start killing people. Not in those exact words but he said I needed to reduce my stress. Same thing.
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@ChrisStokdyk: "This website requires Java" *gets cup of coffee* "This website requires Java" *looks at coffee* *throws coffee at monitor*
@cbdoubleu: [Going through rubble after a house fire] Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined. Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast.
@Brampersandon_: *walks into funeral while playing the mandolin* "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?" *dead guy sits up in casket* No it sounds lovely. Keep going