@SocialustGal13: My doctor told me to start killing people. Not in those exact words but he said I needed to reduce my stress. Same thing.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TEXASVETERAN: How do you say "I'm sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day." in Korean?
@SortaBad: *Someone sends me a 4 minute video* me: [42 seconds later] wow that's so awesome thanks for sharing!
@Cheese_Pile: [First day of class at law school] *raises hand* Hi, yes. When do we get our white, curly wigs?
@TheWadest: Nobody was healthier than my vegan, gluten-free friend Chad until the day that baby squirrel beat him to death.