@SocialustGal13: My doctor told me to start killing people. Not in those exact words but he said I needed to reduce my stress. Same thing.
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@WritingWilkie: The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar's UP. That old man really loved his house.
@smithsara79: [first time trying standup] Me: So, I was talking to a friend recen- *from the back* LOL YEAH RIGHT Me: Please, mom, not now
@Mr_Kapowski: [first date] *don't let her know you're a huge Lionel Richie fan or that you're Waldo* Her: Hi! "Hello, is it me you're looking for?"