@Swishergirl24: My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: You need a new liver and we found a match. Me: When can you operate? *lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.
@DanaSchwartzzz: the best part of Fight Club is how some guys saw Edward Norton punching himself in a parking lot and thought "hell yeah i'm on board"
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're not like other girls. 3-year-old: *continues looking for the right Barbie to fight her dinosaurs*