@DaddyJew: My dog asked what it was like to be human, so I told him that talking was a good start.
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@jergarl: [on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes
@Book_Krazy: Pro-tip Ladies, try to refrain from plucking that one crazy hair from his nose while he's sleeping. He won't think it's as funny as you do.
@calamitydaisy: If you cannot afford a stenographer, a 4 year old will be appointed for you to repeat exactly what you said at all times. Do you understand?