@DaddyJew: My dog asked what it was like to be human, so I told him that talking was a good start.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: [ Skydiving ] Instructor: SIR. You can't just jump out without your equipment on Me: *Shows him text of gf saying "We need to talk"
@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?
@HughGoesThere: Writer: Got this great idea for a movie... “102 Dalmations.” Walt Disney: That’s way too many dalmations.