@Sickayduh: My dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow him around the yard because it's his turn
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@patnspankme: In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.
@XplodingUnicorn: [middle of the night] Me: Wake up! Wife: What?! Me: I dreamt Dolores Umbridge banned my pig Wife: Me: But she couldn't. It was HOGwarts
@broodingYAhero: For main female characters, prom is inevitable. Even if you try to skip it, a perfectly-fitting dress will appear in your life. Lock the doors, or run far away. No matter where you go, prom will find you.