@TylerLinkin: My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
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@NichollsTerence: I want to go on the record by saying I love my family but if I have to spend any longer with them you'll be seeing me on the 6 o'clock news.
@Mr_Kapowski: Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head.
@QwertyJones3: Dearly beloved, we are gathered together before God & these witnesses to observe the following: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19 -Prime Minister
@Asbo_Unicorn: When asked which is more important looks or brains? 9 out of 10 zombies said "braaaaiiiiinnnnssss" number 10 ate the researcher.