@SCbchbum: My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.
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@caribbeanaj: Son: "Mom, Dad we need to talk.... I'm a vegan" **Mom cries running out the room Dad: Why can't you just have a normal eating disorder?
@BuckyIsotope: OLD MAN: I fought in WWII ME: Oh yeah? What was your kill:death ratio OLD MAN: what ME: Can you rocket jump? OLD MAN: I wish Hitler had won
@Bexdora: Meet Brian, my monkey butler. He's gonna help out around the office. *Monkey flinging office equipment out the window* Brian hates clutter.
@Sickayduh: DAD: I want a steak. HER: Eat this chicken instead. It's healthy. DAD: No it isn't. It's dead.