@SCbchbum: My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.
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@withanewname: Well tonight's date night for me and the wife I certainly hope we don't run into each other
@thepunningman: [landlord showing new tenant around] "No smoking allowed" "How about pets?" "That's fine" [dog walks in and lights up] "We'll take it"
@WheelTod: A guy I know got bitten by a radioactive bedbug. He spent 3 weeks in a coma, but when he came round again he was able to fold a fitted sheet