@legreece: My dog doesn't always bark like there's an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I'm home alone and in the shower.
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@jimmy_sharpe: Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
@Crutnacker: Biden: Showed Trump our terror briefings about Equestria. Obama: Equestria? Isn't that My Little Pony? Biden: 😉
@EJGomez: [sees a baby spit up after drinking from baby bottle] "lmao yo who invited the lightweight"