@velvettusk: My dog is coming home from surgery today and I hope he did ok. He can’t afford another malpractice suit.
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@tastefactory: INTERVIEWER: What are your strengths? APPLICANT: I'm a detail-oriented team player [nothing wacky happens because this is a job interview]
@ibid78: "Dave's coming over." -Dave from work or Dave that doesn't know how doors work? [doorknob sorta jiggles for like 20 minutes]
@3sunzzz: Who is that walking up my driveway?! Anxiety in 3...2...1... [knock, knock] *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."